Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Grilled Balsamic Pork Roast! Or, under-done meat, demon neighbor children, and other things you don't want at your BBQ...

Good afternoon, dear, sweet, Butterballs!
How delightful it is to be able to have the time to write to you on more than just a every so often basis!  Thanks a bunch for reading and all the shares!  It's so awesome to know that the fat cat is reaching more than just my personal audience!

As I pen today's blog, I am being serenaded by the dulcet screams of neighbor children.  Now, one might assume that I should be concerned for the safety of said screaming neighbor children.  No.  They're fine.  They just spend all their time screaming.  All day strong, all day long.  Poor Dexter has been spending 99.9% of his time barking wildly at them from the safety of his doggy bed in front of the window since school got out in June.  They don't limit their time to wailing at the top of their lungs in my front yard.  Oh no.  They divide the rest of their time equally between standing smack in the middle of the street playing handheld video games, racing you on their bikes when you drive into the cul de sac, and picking all of our flowers and leaving them in piles on the sidewalk.  Most recently, i.e. five minutes ago, our littlest cherub walked up to the window by our front door, and started pounding on the glass in Dexter's face, as he froths at the mouth, hoping for a sweet chunk of baby meat.  Who needs birth control, amiright?  It's because of these angelic little darlings that Matt and I have mostly retired the wine porch in front of the house, in favor of the much more private, nice and quiet back porch.  There's only so many times you can be asked, "What are you eating?  Can I have some?", by a complete stranger while trying to enjoy your hastily made porch dinner until you eventually snap.  So, Matt and I decided to build a patio in the backyard, since A. We hate watering our crappy grass, and B. Our front patio was no longer safe from the sticky little fingers of death.

It started out easy enough.  Just digging a 60 square foot hole in the grass behind our garage.


Then came the trip to Lowe's.  Then the trip to Home Depot.  Then another trip to Lowe's.  Then it was 11 o'clock and I wanted that SOB finished, so I slapped all the pavers on top of the sand and called it a deck.


We had a couple days of rain, and we weren't able to use it yet.  It wasn't until Matt was outside a couple days later, and our neighbor handed us an enormous set of dirt levelers (completely well-intentioned of course...) that we realized there was an issue.  We went out in the backyard, and everything had totally shifted and fallen apart.  Then came another trip to Lowe's.  2nd time's the charm with patio building apparently, because after some serious Googling, we eventually figured out what it was supposed to look like.  Hooray!  Now we just needed some stuff to put on it to cover the remaining physical imperfections.


If you were my first graders I might ask, "What are some things you could do outside, on a patio?"  You might answer, "Read a book!", "Play with my dog!", "Spiderman!".  All of which would be excellent answers.  Except Spiderman.  The answer I'm clearly looking for is, "Drink beer and BBQ, Mrs. Raffety!"  Yes, little Billy, you know me so well!  My parents and I went in on a grill for Matt for his birthday last Sunday, and to date, I've spent more time playing with it than he has, but no one is really surprised by that are they?  So, crack open your favorite summer ale, and join me on your half-assed patio, kids, because it's time for balsamic pork roast!







Pork roast?  How will that get done on a gas grill?  Hey, you know, it doesn't.  Not unless you give it enough time at the right temperature.  So, I'm editing this a smidge so you don't have to cut yours in half to get it finished because you are hangry, and you've already eaten all of your asparagus just hot off the grill.  Not that that happened to me or anything.  I'm a professional.  *serious cook face*.

Pork roast is a great blank canvas for whatever flavor du jour you're gunning for.  It can be a lot of fun to mess around with different flavor combos.  I can't take credit for this little factoid because I know I read it somewhere else...  But!  A good formula to stick with is acid + oil + seasoning.  So in this particular instance we went with, balsamic vinegar and chardonnay + olive oil + dijon mustard, parsley, salt, pepper and chilli flake.  Buh-bam!  Marinade.  Easy-Peasy.  Apologies in advance that there are no food photos of this particular endeavor.  Just picture a cantaloupe sized piece of meat smothered in delicious.  See?  Not so hard :)

You'll need:
a 3-4 lb. pork roast (or, turkey breast, but I tend to shy away from super strong flavor combos with turkey since it's so flavorful on it's own...)
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar (cheap!  You're mixing it with what I can only assume will be equally cheap white wine after all.)
1/2 cup white wine, I used chardonnay
1/4 cup olive oil
1 tbsp. parsley
2 tbsp. dijon mustard
salt and pepper to taste
a little chili flake, 'cuz that's how we do...

Whisk all of that together (except the pork roast... which goes without saying), reserve about a third of it for glazing as you grill.  Marinate the pork roast for about an hour, flipping a couple of times.  Heat your grill to high, sear the roast on all sides.  Turn your center burners down to medium, with the roast over those, and close the grill lid.  Turn every fifteen minutes or so (adding a coat of marinade) for about an hour, or until your pork reaches an internal temperature of 160 degrees.  Cut into slices.  We ate it with grilled asparagus and potato salad.

Some other marinade combos you might enjoy:
  • White wine + olive oil + sriracha, parsley, cumin, salt and pepper
  • Lime juice + olive oil + sriracha, chili flake, garlic salt, pepper, cilantro
  • Balsamic vinegar + olive oil + basil, salt and pepper
  • White wine and lemon juice (be careful, it's a slippery slope) + olive oil + rosemary, salt and pepper
 Voila!  Stay tuned for more grill-tastic recipes!  Hope your summer is all the fun you've been hoping for.  Have a cold one for me!  As always, Butterballs, thanks for reading, lots of love and best fishes from me, Matt, Dexter, and the fat cat! 

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