HELLLOOOOOOOO BUTTERBALLS!!!!
I return to you after a long hiatus of student teaching, music programs, actual teaching for cash-monies, graduations, road trips, and a WHOLE LOT OF TAKE-OUT. I apologize for my lengthy absence, you see, when you teach, you do absolutely nothing else. Now don't get me wrong, I adore my line of work and find it incredibly rewarding. I was fortunate enough to not only get to sub for the lovely choir director at Florence-Carlton school while she was on maternity leave this spring, but to also accept a general music job in Stevensville this fall. I am one lucky lady, and after all that, all I wanted to do was sleep, and that is 90% of what I've done since last Thursday. Now that I am alive, refreshed, and most of all, hungry, I can't wait for us to start cooking together again!
We have so many exciting things to look forward to! For one, I am now the proud owner of an iPad, so I plan to use this wonderful technology (which is far more complicated than my previous experience of turning my laptop on and off/operating my microwave, i.e. my only technological experience to date...) to make videos for the interweb. Especially during these summer weeks, Butters and I are planning on making you a new food movie every week. The relative informativeness of these creations has yet to be determined, but there will most likely be wigs and musical entertainment so... win?
For two, I have recently come into ownership of a magic time-capsule box from the 1960's. This is a giant box (i.e. like a shoebox...) that is full of absolutely ridiculous cooking school/entertaining recipes from the year of our Lord, 1962. I found it in a pile of crap at an antique store in Clarkston, Washington yesterday while Matt and I were on a mini-vacation. Matt and I have been antiquing for about as long as there have been humans on the Earth. I have a very specific antiquing technique. It's called, "Find the Weirdest/Most Amazing Thing You Never Knew You Always Wanted/Needed and Only Buy It If It is Damn Near Free". I purchased the box for $10 plus tax. This is a SCREAMING deal because 1.) the box is made of some sort of wood product, and 2.) It was full of roughly ONE MILLION recipes that will entertain us all for weeks. You're welcome. I'm planning on drawing one of these at random from now until the end of time and making movies/blogs about them soooooo there will be THAT to look forward to. I skimmed them briefly today and apparently we're going to be learning alot about aspic and chop suey, the dishes du jour of 1962.
Until I get what is sure to be a cinematic/culinary masterpiece online tomorrow/the next day, I do, in fact have a new and exciting recipe to share with y'all. I made this for our buddies Rebecca and Garrett the other day when we had a fancy dinner party. I should clarify this by saying the term "fancy dinner party" at our house is alot of Matt making sure I don't cut/burn myself while I drink wine barefoot and throw things in pans. These were a modification on a recipe my Mom makes (I'm guessing... I have never actually looked at that recipe, but the whole "meat-tortilla" thing seemed pretty familiar...) on occasion for Sunday dinner.
Stuffed Meat Thingies with Spinach and Cheese:
You'll Need:
8-10 (or enough for each guest to eat two....) thin, poundable cuts of beef
3 cups bread crumbs
2 cups flour
2 eggs
1/4 cup milk
salt and pepper to taste
4 cups spinach cut in chiffonade ribbons
1 onion finely diced
1 cup of assorted cheeses (I used parmesan, mexi-blend, and some sharp cheddar)
3 garlic cloves finely chopped
Start by pounding out the beef into roughly 6 inch rounds (this is what you'll make your meat tortillas out of...), set to the side. Chiffonade the spinach, chop the onion and garlic, and sautee/wilt in about 3 tablespoons of olive oil. Place 1 cup of bread crumbs, and chosen cheese into a large-ish bowl. Add in your wilted spinach/onions and garlic.
In three flat containers (for the sake of easy cleaning, I go the ugly-American-who-doesn't-own-a dishwasher-route and use a paper plate for each item... this lets you trash everything so you have the prep surface to use for other things. I realize this is not at all "green", but you of course should feel free to use non-disposables...) make an egg wash with your egg and milk, fill one with flour, and the other with salt-and peppered bread-crumbs.
Assembly:
Lay out meat, fill with roughly one to two ounces of filling. Roll it up, secure with one or two toothpicks. Roll in flour, dip in egg, then roll in bread crumbs. Fry in olive oil set to medium high until bread crumbs are golden brown. If you are not a fan of slightly rare meat, you can finish in the oven at 350 for about five to ten minutes. After this you have alot of serving options- you can make a pan gravy out of the pan drippings and serve with mashed potatoes, or serve over your choice of pasta (spinach would carry the theme through nicely). Best paired with a salad or other light vegetable to help cut the whole Cheese-Filled-Fried-Meat thing.
Enjoy, my lovelies! Can't wait to reconnect over a steaming bowl of awesome this summer! Mwah!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Snowpocalypse 2012 and Snuggle Soup
Hey there Butterballs, and welcome to my snow fortress!
For the last four days or so, Missoula has apparently been having it's seventh worst winter storm since 1850-something. We've gotten over a foot of snow, plus an inch of freezing rain, which really puts a nice shiny finish on the glacier that is my back yard. It started on Wednesday when I was teaching in Florence. It took me about forty minutes to travel the 20 miles back home. Shortly thereafter, God opened up his curtains of doom and dumped about a million pounds of icy awesome on our heads. School got canceled the next day (which is good, because little Quimbie the Beetle car couldn't even see over the drifts...), and it took six neighbors two days to dig/snowblow our cars out of the driveway. We managed to get both our cars into one clear parking spot, and called it a weekend. I've since shoveled about 12 tons of snow for the sole purpose that our mailman could deliver what ended up being pizza coupons, and a Bon Apetit magazine.
Butters is not a fan of the snow. He has not come off the couch in approximately five days. Not that he did that a lot anyway, just that his level of lazy has gone up about 1200%. I.e. Butters has a pulse and that's about it right now. I've tried to sway him with everything from kitty kibble, to new toys, etc. Not. Having. It.
So those of you who don't live in Hell's freezer might ask, "So what does one do during snowpocalypse?" You actually have several options:
1. You can get day drunk and make snow people versions of yourself an your roommates in the yard. (I'm lookin at YOU, Pecker)
2. Shovel until you tear something.
3. Watch your across the street neighbor angry-shovel at midnight.
4. Wrestle a polar bear.
5. Draw colored pencil portraits of your giant cat.
6. Make Snuggle Soup with Pecker, Caitlin, Rebecca, and your long-suffering husband!
Snuggle soup originated when Caitlin wrote on my Facebook Wall asking if we could make snuggly soup. I, of course, instantly misread this as Snuggle Soup. As in, an actual existing recipe, for something called Snuggle Soup. This did not actually exist until we combined all our ingredients in the Chopped test kitchen (sometimes known as my house), and invented it. Turns out Snuggle Soup is a broth-y southwest thing that you dip tortilla triangles in, and this is how you make it:
You'll need:
2 Chicken breasts
1 lb of spicy sausage
2 cans of chicken stock
1 pint of water
3 large carrots, cut on the bias
1 large onion, roughly chopped
1 can garbanzo beans
1 can black beans
1 lime, cut in half and the juice of it
2 tbsp taco seasoning
1 tbsp garlic
2 tsp cracked black pepper
2 tsp salt
1 tsp cumin
tortillas
1 cup-ish cheddar cheese
Drain and rinse bot kinds of beans in a colander. Break up the sausage and cook in a large stock pot, reserve, use left over grease to cook chicken. Cube the chicken breasts, cook until slightly browned, reserve. Add a little more oil of your choice (obviously I like olive...), cook garlic, onion and carrot on medium heat until translucent (for the onion, if your carrot is translucent, you should probably not be eating it...), and slightly brown for the carrot. add the meat back in, and pour the stock and water in on top of it. Add in spices, lime juice and the halves of the lime. heat through, add in the beans. Let simmer until the beans have started to thicken the broth a little.
For the tortilla crisps for dippin!
Heat a little oil in a frying pan, add tortilla, sprinkle with cheese. Let cheese melt, flip, let the cheese get crusty. Repeat until you have about two tortillas for each person being served.
Enjoy! Snuggle down for the long, harsh winter, Nanook! You deserve it! You can always pretend the snow is sand and that you are on the beach. Just don't like, go outside in minimal clothing or you will probably get hypothermia, but no need to fret! You have a big old pot of Snuggle Soup to keep you warm!
Isn't that the beachiest beach that ever beached a beach!Not really. That's our yard under about ninety million tons of snow.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The Cat is Back!
Butterballs, butterballs, my how I've missed you! This will be my first blog in over a month, and since we have just barely tipped over into the unknown abyss that will be 2012, this will be all about things I am thankful for, and of course, my dear Butterballs, this means you!
My prolonged absence has been mostly due to a lack of computer, as my dear old lime green laptop Bart went down in a blaze of glory trying to download the massive program, Sibelius. I woke up one morning to the blue screen of death, and made the decision to let him go peacefully. I am now coming to you live from my new, chocolate brown Dell, who I have lovingly dubbed, Paula. You can only surmise who the inspiration was :) So naturally, I am very thankful for my new technology, so I can write to you lovely people every so often!
That being said, I would also like to express my deepest condolences to our Patron Saint of Butter, Paula Deen, who has recently been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Say what you want about our deep frying Goddess, but I'd like to meet a single soul who would turn down a meal made by that woman.
In spite of how busy we've all been trying to be grown-ups in the new year, my Hunnies and I have managed to reserve time at least once a week to cook dinner at the Homestead. These gatherings are alot like an episode of Chopped. It starts with one of us sending a mass text, and ends with a myriad of ingredients and wine drinking in my kitchen. This week we ended up with the following:
Pecker: The usual spaghetti squash. See, we just thought Megan REALLY liked squash, but it turns out that somehow over the weeks that we've been enjoying this squash, we've missed the fact that her parents actually grew all of those squash. This was somewhat of a relief as I think we all had secretly come to believe that Pecker had a back alley squash supplier.
Guido: Mozzarella cheese. Or MOH-SAH-RELLLLLLLLL as they say in Jersey ;) Oh, and that delicious bread that they sell in all grocery stores that comes pre-sliced in half with garlic and butter product in the middle. All you have to do is throw it in the oven for about 15 minutes and it tastes like it's been kissed by Our Lady of Lard, Paula.
Hornpipes and Corny: Lettuce, because someone has to save us from our gourdy and buttery selves.
So you may ask, "What on Earth can you make with that crap?" And the answer is: Cheese stuffed meatballs with red gravy and spaghetti squash and lard bread for dippin, of course! And a healthy salad to cleanse the arteries.
For 12 meatballs (no one said this was a diet dish...):
1 lb spicy Italian sausage
1 lb burger
1 egg
1 cup grated parmesan
1/2 a yellow onion, finely chopped
2 tbsp each basil, oregano
garlic salt
coarse ground black pepper
1 cup shredded mozzarella (this melts easier than cubes, and allows you to skip that meatball drying step of baking after you've fried them)
For frying:
1 cup olive oil
Pour oil in pan and turn on medium-high. Combine all the ingredients except the mozzarella in a large mixing bowl. Next comes the satisfying part. This is what my Dad and I have fondly dubbed over the years (and a VERY technical term, I might add), schmooshing. Schmooshing is the process of combining ingredients with one's hands until they cannot be separated. Take a small handful of meat, roll into a ball, and then squish a little to form a cup. You should take a lump of the cheese about the size of a large malted milk ball, and push it into the meat. Take another small wad of meat (such an appetizing term, "wad"...), flatten it out, and place it on top of the cheese, seal the meat until you can no longer see the cheese. Place in hot oil, fry on all sides until dark brown.
For the gravy:
One large can of tomato sauce
2 tbsp each garlic powder, basil, and oregano.
Combine in sauce pan until barely bubbling. Annnnd that's it.
For the spaghetti squash:
1 large spaghetti squash (about 5 lbs)
1 tsp mustard seeds
1 tsp cumin
garlic salt and pepper to taste
3 tbsp olive oil
Now, one does not simply walk into a spaghetti squash (ha haaaaa). The prep is a labor of love, and takes some time.
Prep of a spaghetti squash:
Using a VERY BIG knife, or food machete, as I like to call it, remove the ends of the spaghetti squash. THIS IS THE HARDEST PART. Do not cut your fingers off, because if you do, you will never be able to make this again, and that would be truly sad. You can either roast these ends, or throw them away, because they are tough as whale bone. Once you have removed the ends, stand the squash up on one of the now flat ends, slice down each side in turn with your food machete. Fill a large baking dish with one inch or so of water, place the squash skin side down in the water, cover with foil, and roast at 400 degrees. This takes varied amounts of time. Once you can pierce the squash with a fork, take it out of the oven. Heat the oil in a large frying pan. scrape the meat of the squash into it, and add spices.
I am so thankful to be starting a new, wonderful year with my friends and family. Even if the Mayans were right and we're all going to die this December, I'll be going out in a blaze of meat, cheese, and love, and that my friends, is what it's all about :)
My prolonged absence has been mostly due to a lack of computer, as my dear old lime green laptop Bart went down in a blaze of glory trying to download the massive program, Sibelius. I woke up one morning to the blue screen of death, and made the decision to let him go peacefully. I am now coming to you live from my new, chocolate brown Dell, who I have lovingly dubbed, Paula. You can only surmise who the inspiration was :) So naturally, I am very thankful for my new technology, so I can write to you lovely people every so often!
That being said, I would also like to express my deepest condolences to our Patron Saint of Butter, Paula Deen, who has recently been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Say what you want about our deep frying Goddess, but I'd like to meet a single soul who would turn down a meal made by that woman.
In spite of how busy we've all been trying to be grown-ups in the new year, my Hunnies and I have managed to reserve time at least once a week to cook dinner at the Homestead. These gatherings are alot like an episode of Chopped. It starts with one of us sending a mass text, and ends with a myriad of ingredients and wine drinking in my kitchen. This week we ended up with the following:
Pecker: The usual spaghetti squash. See, we just thought Megan REALLY liked squash, but it turns out that somehow over the weeks that we've been enjoying this squash, we've missed the fact that her parents actually grew all of those squash. This was somewhat of a relief as I think we all had secretly come to believe that Pecker had a back alley squash supplier.
Guido: Mozzarella cheese. Or MOH-SAH-RELLLLLLLLL as they say in Jersey ;) Oh, and that delicious bread that they sell in all grocery stores that comes pre-sliced in half with garlic and butter product in the middle. All you have to do is throw it in the oven for about 15 minutes and it tastes like it's been kissed by Our Lady of Lard, Paula.
Hornpipes and Corny: Lettuce, because someone has to save us from our gourdy and buttery selves.
So you may ask, "What on Earth can you make with that crap?" And the answer is: Cheese stuffed meatballs with red gravy and spaghetti squash and lard bread for dippin, of course! And a healthy salad to cleanse the arteries.
For 12 meatballs (no one said this was a diet dish...):
1 lb spicy Italian sausage
1 lb burger
1 egg
1 cup grated parmesan
1/2 a yellow onion, finely chopped
2 tbsp each basil, oregano
garlic salt
coarse ground black pepper
1 cup shredded mozzarella (this melts easier than cubes, and allows you to skip that meatball drying step of baking after you've fried them)
For frying:
1 cup olive oil
Pour oil in pan and turn on medium-high. Combine all the ingredients except the mozzarella in a large mixing bowl. Next comes the satisfying part. This is what my Dad and I have fondly dubbed over the years (and a VERY technical term, I might add), schmooshing. Schmooshing is the process of combining ingredients with one's hands until they cannot be separated. Take a small handful of meat, roll into a ball, and then squish a little to form a cup. You should take a lump of the cheese about the size of a large malted milk ball, and push it into the meat. Take another small wad of meat (such an appetizing term, "wad"...), flatten it out, and place it on top of the cheese, seal the meat until you can no longer see the cheese. Place in hot oil, fry on all sides until dark brown.
For the gravy:
One large can of tomato sauce
2 tbsp each garlic powder, basil, and oregano.
Combine in sauce pan until barely bubbling. Annnnd that's it.
For the spaghetti squash:
1 large spaghetti squash (about 5 lbs)
1 tsp mustard seeds
1 tsp cumin
garlic salt and pepper to taste
3 tbsp olive oil
Now, one does not simply walk into a spaghetti squash (ha haaaaa). The prep is a labor of love, and takes some time.
Prep of a spaghetti squash:
Using a VERY BIG knife, or food machete, as I like to call it, remove the ends of the spaghetti squash. THIS IS THE HARDEST PART. Do not cut your fingers off, because if you do, you will never be able to make this again, and that would be truly sad. You can either roast these ends, or throw them away, because they are tough as whale bone. Once you have removed the ends, stand the squash up on one of the now flat ends, slice down each side in turn with your food machete. Fill a large baking dish with one inch or so of water, place the squash skin side down in the water, cover with foil, and roast at 400 degrees. This takes varied amounts of time. Once you can pierce the squash with a fork, take it out of the oven. Heat the oil in a large frying pan. scrape the meat of the squash into it, and add spices.
I am so thankful to be starting a new, wonderful year with my friends and family. Even if the Mayans were right and we're all going to die this December, I'll be going out in a blaze of meat, cheese, and love, and that my friends, is what it's all about :)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Hope Renewed!
Hey Butterballs!
This entry really has nothing to do with physical food, but rather my inherent need to be on Food Network. My morning starts with false advertising. Take a look at this website:
http://www.u1045.com/be_the_next_food_network_star/blog/43
Clearly once you read, this is not about Next Food Network Star. This raises two questions, 1. Is this for real? and 2. Where can I get $100,000 to open a fledgling business for Bobby Flay to endorse? So Food Network is coming to Missoula, but not for Next Food Network Star. This 'new show' is not advertised on the Food Network Website. Nor does the radio station know anything else about it. You can imagine my disappointment. So if anyone knows of an investor who loves plucky young women and their GINORMOUS cats, send them my way, we'll get this party going.
Sorry for the lack of food or attention you've all been receiving lately, I've been drowning in finals and orchestration homework. I can promise you a new and exciting recipe tonight! And again, Butters is going to be starting a vlog, so you can enjoy Butters and his Spokes-mom through the magic of cinema! We'll be starting with a Christmas video of all your favorite holiday music hits! Dust off your Gold, Frankincense and Purr, it should be a fan-freaking-tastic time!
This entry really has nothing to do with physical food, but rather my inherent need to be on Food Network. My morning starts with false advertising. Take a look at this website:
http://www.u1045.com/be_the_next_food_network_star/blog/43
Clearly once you read, this is not about Next Food Network Star. This raises two questions, 1. Is this for real? and 2. Where can I get $100,000 to open a fledgling business for Bobby Flay to endorse? So Food Network is coming to Missoula, but not for Next Food Network Star. This 'new show' is not advertised on the Food Network Website. Nor does the radio station know anything else about it. You can imagine my disappointment. So if anyone knows of an investor who loves plucky young women and their GINORMOUS cats, send them my way, we'll get this party going.
Sorry for the lack of food or attention you've all been receiving lately, I've been drowning in finals and orchestration homework. I can promise you a new and exciting recipe tonight! And again, Butters is going to be starting a vlog, so you can enjoy Butters and his Spokes-mom through the magic of cinema! We'll be starting with a Christmas video of all your favorite holiday music hits! Dust off your Gold, Frankincense and Purr, it should be a fan-freaking-tastic time!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Chicken Mew-dle Soup
As those of you on Facebook know, Mr. Butters is home sick with a kitty cold. This, of course, is opposed to what he would normally be doing (i.e. trading stocks online, writing poetry, and visiting his poo igloo, which Matt and I have fondly named First National Feline. Butters goes here to make deposits and get change for a clump).I became aware that Butters was under the weather when he woke me up with one million tiny kitty sneezes this morning at 4 a.m. This passed without incident, and I really wasn't alarmed until I woke up at nine o'clock and Butters had not woken me up recently to tell me that it was kitty kibble time. Which happens like clockwork every day at 7:30 a.m. So Butters has passed the rest of the day snuggled under our covers, which is not a luxury he would typically enjoy, as he tends to make me itch like a fiberglass bathrobe. So, this is love.
First, he aked me to make him a hot toddy. I refused. Not just because whiskey is not exactly what you would call healthy for cats to imbibe, but also because it is hard to seperate me from my Fireball. Not to mention that if Butters drank too much whiskey, we all know who would be scrubbing the walls of First National Feline. This kid. That's who.
I believe I'll compromise by making Butters my potent cold-remedy soup that I recently discovered when Matt was feeling similarly...
(Note: I obviously will not be feeding Butters Chicken and Sausage soup... so cool your PETA engines, he's going to eat science diet and chicken Temptations cat treats like all other sick kitties.)
What you'll need:
2 large chicken breasts
3 hot and spicy sausage links, skins removed prior to cooking
2 stalks of celery, chopped
3 large carrots, cut on the bias
1 head of broccoli, cut into inch chunks
1 large onion, roughly chopped
enough water and boullion or stock to cover all your ingredients and fill a big stock pot about 3/4 full
Noodles of choice, preboiled and set to the side
olive oil
Spices of choice (I chose mustard seeds, garlic, black pepper, a little salt, onion powder, and basil, but when you're feeling poorly some things just don't taste right, so I like these because they are spicy)
Start by browning your sausage in the bottom of your pan, once finished, remove from pan and set to the side. Add a little olive oil, and cook chicken breasts (I like to cut them into 2 inch chunks first so they cook evenly and all the way through, but you can cook them whole and cut them up late if you like...), remove and put to the side with sausage. Put ALL your vegetable into your pot, allow them to wilt and become translucent, adding more oil if necessary. Now, dump everything back into the pot, and add stock/water and boullion mixture. Add chosen spices, and let come to a simmer. Pour over (warm) noodles, and let the healing begin! This is particularly good served with garlic toast. Which I make like this:
You'll need:
A crusty loaf of something, like sourdough
Olive oil
garlic cloves
Kosher Salt
Turn on your broiler. Baste slices of bread on both sides with olive oil. Place under broiler, allow it to become evenly brown. Remove from oven, let cool slightly. Take cloves of garlic and rub them all over both sides of bread, sprinkle with salt. Try and be sick NOW! You're gonna smell so garlic-y you also will lower your chances of spreading your disease! No one will want to come ANYWHERE near you! YOU'RE WELCOME!
Friday, November 18, 2011
HEY, CHICKEN, CHICK-EN ITALIANO! OH HO HO, PASS-A DA MOZARELLA!
I greet you today with some fantastic news: THOSE SNEAKY BITCHES AT THE UNIVERSITY OVERTURNED MY WPA GRADE! Yes! With an apology letter and everything! So what we've known for a long time must, in fact, be true. I am surprisingly non-illiterate. In the meantime, I've been getting ready for my senior saxophone recital, playing all the time and developing tasty lip blisters, and trying to catch up in my REdiculous lit strat class (i.e., in between lip blisters I've been typing up roughly 97 pages of homework in order to get ahead in there...).
Also, we went home to Dillon, MT last weekend, and in between in-law weddings, I managed to make a tasty romoulade sauce for some crab cakes my mom made, which is what you call teamwork. In the meantime, Butters has been enjoying the fact that he has discovered where every heat vent in the house is, and eating piles and piles of cat treats. He also has discovered he really doesn't care for snow, so right now the sleepy little poop is still in bed.
Also, some good news! I have it on authority that there could be a new computer in store for Christmas! Do you know what this means?! That's right! More efficient stock trading! No, that's a lie. It means, COOKING WITH BUTTERS IS COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU! i.e. We are going to start making hilarious videos, and I am going to have to learn to use technology. Which also means, I am probably going to be swearing a whole lot more in the coming months. So there's something to look forward to.
What all of these things have in common is absolutely freakin' nothing. But now I'm going to tell you how to make chicken parmigiana, which is also completely unrelated.
I've been making chicken parmigiana since I was super little. As you read, this will raise the question, "Who lets a ten year old deep fry chicken?", but once you're done, you'll ask, "Why am I not making my ten year old fry me some chicken?"
You'll need:
A large can of Hunts or similar tomato sauce
2-3 tablespoons each basil, oregano, and garlic POWDER
4 large chicken breasts, pounded thin-ish
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
enough sliced mozarella to cover four chicken breasts
olive oil
Italian bread crumbs
1 egg
1/2 cup milk
Start by combining the sauce and the garlic, oregano and basil in a sauce pan, whisk together completely, and let simmer on medium. You could technically use less of all of those spices, but it is much more awesome this way, and would I steer you wrong? No. Also, put about 1/4 inch olive or other oil in the bottom of a frying pan. Turn the heat onto medium/medium high, DO NOT PUT ANYTHING IN THAT OIL UNTIL IT IS HOT. You will have chicken mush.
Next, on a clean surface (though it will be much less clean shortly...), take something heavy, and beat the crap out of those chicken breasts. They should be about 3/4 inch thick by the time you are done. Now please wash your beating implement. Next, whisk together egg and milk. Dip chicken into egg mixture, then cover completely in bread crumbs. Place in HOT oil. Flip once when each side is brown.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Place freshly fried chicken into a greased baking dish. Cover in a layer of the sauce, and sprinkle with parmesan. Cover with foil, bake for 30 minutes. This makes sure the chicken is cooked without turning it into sawdust.
When that's done, remove foil, cover each breast in mozarella. Broil on high until they bubble golden brown. This is best served with angel hair pasta and caesar salad.
Now go forth, children! Sweet cooking, and Butters bless :)
Friday, November 4, 2011
TAKE BACK THE FENCE SPAGHETTI!!!
Okay, so I realize there has been a total lack of cooking in my life lately, which is why there has been a total lack of cooking on this blog. I can definitely explain why that is, and it's called, I have been fighting the man ALL FREAKING WEEK, and while I've been doing this, I have had no time, whatsoever, to cook.
It started on Halloween, when some D-bag stole half our fence and tipped over our arbor. I woke up on November 1st to find this giant freaking mess in our yard. I am 99.99999% sure it is our crazy, anti-arbor neighbor, because he is a nosy ass, and did not come out ONCE to ask what happened while I was re-setting a freaking arbor in my pajamas. In addition, if you were a hooligan (yes, HOOLIGAN!), would you choose to tip over the arbor that is STAKED TO THE GROUND, which will take ALOT of time and effort, or would you smash every freakin pumpkin in the neighborhood and pop the giant inflatable Snoopy down the street? You are going to smash pumpkins, is what you are going to do. And Snoopy is one dead dog. None of this happened, which leads me to the omewhat paranoid conclusion that this was TOTALLY personal. Also, my dear sweet hard working husband was up until like, 3 in the morning making posters, and heard and saw NOTHING. That, my dear friends, means that whoever did that crap waited until he knew we went to sleep, and carefully unclipped the fence and arbor from its supports, and gingerly pushed it to the ground without hurting it. YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS IS THE WORK OF HOOLIGANS, and damnit, I want my freaking fence back! So the natural thing to do is to make a giant sign that says, "IT BETTER BE BACK IN OUR YARD BY MORNING!" and put it in the yard in front of my neighbor's front window. And then guess what? I GOT MY FREAKING FENCE BACK! So there.
Shortly after this, the most hilarious part of my week occurred. I found out I failed the University of Montana Writing Proficiency Assessment (or WPA). Now, essentially, the U of M uses this test to determine if you are illiterate, and then, if you are, you have to take the test over and over again or they will withold your diploma because clearly, you are not the kind of filth they like to unleash upon the world. Now, obviously, I did not answer my prompt on the test like I write this blog. I write this blog to you in a very personal and loving style, because you are all my dear, sweet friends. But even in this informal format, I am fairly certain that none of you are reading this and wondering, "I wonder what language this is..." Unless you are the sole reader I have in Russia, who I discovered existed the other day, and all I can say is: good for you Buddy, make those shrimp! When you fail the test, they ask that you go to the Writing Center and be tutored for your horrible mental abnormality. Well, I WENT to the Writing Center, and all that guy could tell me was that they might not have liked my placement of my main thesis. So I thought, well, I'll just retake it and it'll be fine, blah blah blah, submission, blah. THEN I thought, "Nah, I'm going to be a HUGE asshole." So I demanded an appeal form, and went home and wrote a letter to some faceless woman in the testing department, who is sadly experiencing the full brunt of my terrible November 1st. I will keep you posted about the eventual outcome of my unfortunate literacy problem.
So you can see, that this week would more make you want to drink copiously (which I did, in fact, do...) more so than eat. As a result, my dear friend Pecker and I made late night spaghetti last night, and it tasted kind of like guido heaven, seeing as it was the first food that didn't come wrapped in paper that I'd eaten all week.
FIGHTING THE MAN SPAGHETTI:
2 large tomatoes
2 large carrots
1 large onion
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
1 can or jar of pre-made spaghetti sauce (just wait, we're gonna make this good!)
1 tablespoon oregano
1 tablespoon basil
1 tablespoon rosemary
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 pound hamburger or spicy sausage
1 teaspoon chili flakes
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup red wine
As much spaghetti as you think the people you're cooking for will eat.
Start by grating the carrots into teeny tiny pieces and chopping the onion roughly. Saute those with the garlic in olive oil til they start to brown, remove from the pan and reserve. Brown beef in same pan, once brown, add onions, garlic and carrots back in. Cube tomatoes, add to pan, saute until semi-mushy (the tomatoes should still roughly have their shape). Add in sauce, wine, and spices. Let simmer while pasta boils. Eat that up and plot your next move! Sock it to 'em rockstar!
It started on Halloween, when some D-bag stole half our fence and tipped over our arbor. I woke up on November 1st to find this giant freaking mess in our yard. I am 99.99999% sure it is our crazy, anti-arbor neighbor, because he is a nosy ass, and did not come out ONCE to ask what happened while I was re-setting a freaking arbor in my pajamas. In addition, if you were a hooligan (yes, HOOLIGAN!), would you choose to tip over the arbor that is STAKED TO THE GROUND, which will take ALOT of time and effort, or would you smash every freakin pumpkin in the neighborhood and pop the giant inflatable Snoopy down the street? You are going to smash pumpkins, is what you are going to do. And Snoopy is one dead dog. None of this happened, which leads me to the omewhat paranoid conclusion that this was TOTALLY personal. Also, my dear sweet hard working husband was up until like, 3 in the morning making posters, and heard and saw NOTHING. That, my dear friends, means that whoever did that crap waited until he knew we went to sleep, and carefully unclipped the fence and arbor from its supports, and gingerly pushed it to the ground without hurting it. YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS IS THE WORK OF HOOLIGANS, and damnit, I want my freaking fence back! So the natural thing to do is to make a giant sign that says, "IT BETTER BE BACK IN OUR YARD BY MORNING!" and put it in the yard in front of my neighbor's front window. And then guess what? I GOT MY FREAKING FENCE BACK! So there.
Shortly after this, the most hilarious part of my week occurred. I found out I failed the University of Montana Writing Proficiency Assessment (or WPA). Now, essentially, the U of M uses this test to determine if you are illiterate, and then, if you are, you have to take the test over and over again or they will withold your diploma because clearly, you are not the kind of filth they like to unleash upon the world. Now, obviously, I did not answer my prompt on the test like I write this blog. I write this blog to you in a very personal and loving style, because you are all my dear, sweet friends. But even in this informal format, I am fairly certain that none of you are reading this and wondering, "I wonder what language this is..." Unless you are the sole reader I have in Russia, who I discovered existed the other day, and all I can say is: good for you Buddy, make those shrimp! When you fail the test, they ask that you go to the Writing Center and be tutored for your horrible mental abnormality. Well, I WENT to the Writing Center, and all that guy could tell me was that they might not have liked my placement of my main thesis. So I thought, well, I'll just retake it and it'll be fine, blah blah blah, submission, blah. THEN I thought, "Nah, I'm going to be a HUGE asshole." So I demanded an appeal form, and went home and wrote a letter to some faceless woman in the testing department, who is sadly experiencing the full brunt of my terrible November 1st. I will keep you posted about the eventual outcome of my unfortunate literacy problem.
So you can see, that this week would more make you want to drink copiously (which I did, in fact, do...) more so than eat. As a result, my dear friend Pecker and I made late night spaghetti last night, and it tasted kind of like guido heaven, seeing as it was the first food that didn't come wrapped in paper that I'd eaten all week.
FIGHTING THE MAN SPAGHETTI:
2 large tomatoes
2 large carrots
1 large onion
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
1 can or jar of pre-made spaghetti sauce (just wait, we're gonna make this good!)
1 tablespoon oregano
1 tablespoon basil
1 tablespoon rosemary
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 pound hamburger or spicy sausage
1 teaspoon chili flakes
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup red wine
As much spaghetti as you think the people you're cooking for will eat.
Start by grating the carrots into teeny tiny pieces and chopping the onion roughly. Saute those with the garlic in olive oil til they start to brown, remove from the pan and reserve. Brown beef in same pan, once brown, add onions, garlic and carrots back in. Cube tomatoes, add to pan, saute until semi-mushy (the tomatoes should still roughly have their shape). Add in sauce, wine, and spices. Let simmer while pasta boils. Eat that up and plot your next move! Sock it to 'em rockstar!
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