"No fear!" ~Julia Child

Friday, November 18, 2011

HEY, CHICKEN, CHICK-EN ITALIANO! OH HO HO, PASS-A DA MOZARELLA!



I greet you today with some fantastic news: THOSE SNEAKY BITCHES AT THE UNIVERSITY OVERTURNED MY WPA GRADE! Yes! With an apology letter and everything! So what we've known for a long time must, in fact, be true. I am surprisingly non-illiterate. In the meantime, I've been getting ready for my senior saxophone recital, playing all the time and developing tasty lip blisters, and trying to catch up in my REdiculous lit strat class (i.e., in between lip blisters I've been typing up roughly 97 pages of homework in order to get ahead in there...).




Also, we went home to Dillon, MT last weekend, and in between in-law weddings, I managed to make a tasty romoulade sauce for some crab cakes my mom made, which is what you call teamwork. In the meantime, Butters has been enjoying the fact that he has discovered where every heat vent in the house is, and eating piles and piles of cat treats. He also has discovered he really doesn't care for snow, so right now the sleepy little poop is still in bed.


Also, some good news! I have it on authority that there could be a new computer in store for Christmas! Do you know what this means?! That's right! More efficient stock trading! No, that's a lie. It means, COOKING WITH BUTTERS IS COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU! i.e. We are going to start making hilarious videos, and I am going to have to learn to use technology. Which also means, I am probably going to be swearing a whole lot more in the coming months. So there's something to look forward to.


What all of these things have in common is absolutely freakin' nothing. But now I'm going to tell you how to make chicken parmigiana, which is also completely unrelated.


I've been making chicken parmigiana since I was super little. As you read, this will raise the question, "Who lets a ten year old deep fry chicken?", but once you're done, you'll ask, "Why am I not making my ten year old fry me some chicken?"


You'll need:

A large can of Hunts or similar tomato sauce

2-3 tablespoons each basil, oregano, and garlic POWDER

4 large chicken breasts, pounded thin-ish

1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

enough sliced mozarella to cover four chicken breasts

olive oil

Italian bread crumbs

1 egg

1/2 cup milk


Start by combining the sauce and the garlic, oregano and basil in a sauce pan, whisk together completely, and let simmer on medium. You could technically use less of all of those spices, but it is much more awesome this way, and would I steer you wrong? No. Also, put about 1/4 inch olive or other oil in the bottom of a frying pan. Turn the heat onto medium/medium high, DO NOT PUT ANYTHING IN THAT OIL UNTIL IT IS HOT. You will have chicken mush.


Next, on a clean surface (though it will be much less clean shortly...), take something heavy, and beat the crap out of those chicken breasts. They should be about 3/4 inch thick by the time you are done. Now please wash your beating implement. Next, whisk together egg and milk. Dip chicken into egg mixture, then cover completely in bread crumbs. Place in HOT oil. Flip once when each side is brown.


Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Place freshly fried chicken into a greased baking dish. Cover in a layer of the sauce, and sprinkle with parmesan. Cover with foil, bake for 30 minutes. This makes sure the chicken is cooked without turning it into sawdust.


When that's done, remove foil, cover each breast in mozarella. Broil on high until they bubble golden brown. This is best served with angel hair pasta and caesar salad.


Now go forth, children! Sweet cooking, and Butters bless :)

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